sorry about my last journal... i was caught up in the moment, and i needed a place to vent where the people involved couldn't get to it.. and non of them know this site exists... so i figured i would be a good place. i just wanted to say for all of those out there who don't know me i am not usually like that.

i know that people will tell me that they fucking told me soo.. but i don't give a shit right now.. i feel like shit.. and i can bet you that no one at my school will give a shit.. i hate this girl.. i will call her mel.. ok.. well mel has a boyfriend... there is this guy(her ex, and mine).. we are friends will.. we will call him derek... well i told derek i like him still... he hasn't given me a straight answer if he likes me or not.. he told mel that he doesn't want to date me(before i told him i liked him)... derek asked mel if her and her current boyfriend (lets call him.. Mike) broke up.. if he could ask her out.. she said YES!... she fucking knows i like him... and she has been flirting with him.. and he flirts with both of us... she hasn't told mike that she has been hanging out with derek either... it wouldn't be that big of a deal but she FORBID mike from seeing his ex when she came in town... and now she is hiding the fact that she is seeing her ex.. and it that she is flirting with him.. except i am getting put into the middle cause she says she is with me.. which is true to an extent but derek is there too... and then another guy i like.. we will call him.. frank.. frank is totally obcessed with mel... he calls her alot.. she is 20.. he is 16... i know that she doesn't like him.. but she leads him on.. and he know she has a boyfriend.. but cause she leads him on.. he thinks it is okay.. he tries to call her.. but when ever she hears her phone ring and it is him.. she presses the ignore button.. and just laughs.. i feel bad for this kid... cause he has done nothing wrong but like her.. and it sucks for me cause i see all this happen.. and i want to help him.. i fell bad for mike and for frank.. but i don't want to mel or derek mad at me for talking!..then mel's mom wants to set her up with another guy i like.. and it is like my fucking god.. can't she just be happy with the great guy she is with right now!... no she has to have every guy i like.. so i can get them when she is done with them... then i can have them.. just to get attached and then she will yank them away when she finds convient.

I wish that a guy I like would grow some balls and then learn how to use them... i really like hanging out with him, and i know he likes me, and i like him... but i want him to make a move but i don't think he ever will.... and i am a little to scared to make the first move... yet.. and i now know that it isn't just me noticing that he likes me... i have had 2-3 people tell me that they can tell he likes me... and ahhh it is just getting frustrating! sorry i just really felt like typing it..

xoxo,
Courtney

Mood: eh.... alone
Listening to: the faint control!

well this really isn't a good journal to begin with but it will make some people happy.. i told matt to quit trying to get me to "hook up" with him.. but he hasn't emailed me back. i also realized that the main reason why i wanted matt was because he was flirting with me and i really want to be with some one.i know my friends are there for me... but right now i just wish i had some one to be with....every one is looking forward to the summer.. but i am not really sure i am.. i am looking forward to not being in school... but school is my escape from my family to see my friends and they can't object to be going to school.... but over the summer i have no time every day to spend with my friends that my parents can't take away.. i think i am going to journal in here as if it were a live journal... so sorry if you want to ignore me go ahead... i just love the feeling of being wanted.....and it gets me intor trouble... but i now know i am in control...